Absence makes the heart grow fonder...

I haven't blogged for a long time because I've had so much going on, much of which was too big and traumatic for me to want to face up to again by telling the story. The Cliffs' Notes version would go something like this:

-Work: Busy! Busy busy busy! But good.

-Best/oldest friend: (Mostly) divorced, moved to California. Good-bye, best/oldest friend.

-Marriage: Been to hell and back. HUUUUGE fight over stupidness, police were called multiple times, I took Esther and stayed at best/oldest friend's house for 2 weeks (before the move), my stuff was "thrown out," I was unable to afford to move out and get my own place and pay for day care so I moved back in, we started counseling (finally!), my stuff turned out not to have actually been thrown out but only hidden away from me and was brought back. Then, things got better. Hubby admitted that it was all his fault & that he had been an asshole (thank you! I needed to hear you say that!) and has been making a real effort to treat me more kindly and to make me feel loved and appreciated. He also admitted that he's got anger management problems - our counselor gave us some techniques to use when we feel a storm approaching. Fortunately, that hasn't happened so far, but we're not 100% sure how well the techniques will work as they tend to hit without warning and within seconds. We shall see... or perhaps not, if we are truly lucky.

-Esther: Simply astounding! The worst of the fighting is that it all happened in front of her. She was pretty traumatized for a couple of weeks but seems to be over it now. She is incredibly happy that we are all back together as a family now. (Hubby and I have promised each other never to argue or physically fight in front of her again.) Her development has been astounding. She's 29 months old now, and speaks better than some adults I know. She just suddenly exploded size-wise, and I had to run out and buy her size 3T clothes, size 6 shoes, and size 5 diapers. She's got a real head of hair now, long enough for a wispy little ponytail, but it's constantly messy no matter what we do except for the golden hour after her bath but before her bedtime. My mind is blown every time I look down at her, curled up in my arms, and see a child solemnly returning my gaze. She is so full of love - she tells me "I really, really love you, mama!" and then covers me with kisses. And she's so happy! She starts her day with smiles and happy chatter, and really only goes haywire when it's time for her nap or bedtime. She's learning to ride her tricycle, and to hit wiffleballs off a tee, and to turn tumblesaults on my yoga mat. She eats like a champ, and is unafraid of new tastes and textures, even my favorite food sushi, but her very favorite is Jell-O fat-free sugar-free instant pudding, because we can make it together and she gets to lick the bowl and the whisk. Esther is, quite simply, the joy in my life.

-Diet: Start, then stop, then start again. Hubby and I started the South Beach Diet on 1/9. He's been very motivated to get under 200 lbs. before the start of his softball season, starting from 245. He's done amazingly well, practically inspirational. I think he's dropped about 30 lbs. already. Me, not so much. South Beach is low on fiber, which immediately caused me some, err, elimination problems. So I had to add some whole grains back into my diet before they were called for, which slowed down my initial progress. Of course, then I lost 5 lbs. during our separation. But I never really got back on the wagon once I came back home. But a week ago I realized my 20-year high school reunion will be next year! I was fat in high school. I managed to get skinny in time for my 10-year reunion, and boy was that a triumph. And it's important to me that I be skinny again in time for my 20-year reunion too. So, reluctantly, I got back on the wagon, and back on the accursed treadmill, and hopefully will be back into my size 8's before too much longer.

Well, that's been my life to date. That, and fighting with Blogger over the stupid switch-to-Beta thing which I put off for as long as possible. But I finally worked it all out. Grrr...