Achingly sweet

My little girl and I have a bedtime routine down. I turn off the lights in her room and we lay down together in her (queen-size) bed, and she nurses while gazing at the glow-in-the-dark stars on her ceiling. Then when she's done, she pops off and plays in the dark with the pillows for a few minutes. Then she lays across me (willingly or not), head on my upper left arm, right arm tucked under my back, right arm around my neck, and her body crossed over mine. I sing her the same three songs as lullabies every night: "Good Night" off the Beatles' White Album, "La Vie En Rose" (don't know who originally did this one, but it's the English version), and "Somewhere Over the Rainbow." Sometimes, if she doesn't want to go to sleep, she cries and struggles, and I have to sing all three songs twice before she succumbs. When she's finally asleep, I lay there listening to her deep breathing and the ticking of her wall clock for a few minutes (this is what "peace" sounds like to me), before gently rolling her off of me and sneaking quietly out of the room.

Last night, we had a new and lovely development. I gave her a bath first, and smoothed lavendar-scented baby lotion all over her. Then, after we nursed, she was playing peekaboo with the pillows and I asked her if she was ready to go night-night. She replied "Uh-uh." Then I asked her if she wanted Mama to sing night-night songs to her. She practically leapt into my arms for that. She tucked her arm deep behind my back and gazed deeply into my eyes. I asked if she liked Mama to sing to her and she nodded firmly. I said "I love you," and she puckered up for a kiss, still looking at me expectantly. I started singing "Good Night" to her, which goes like this:

Now it's time to say good night
Good night, sleep tight
Now the sun turns out his light
Good night, sleep tight
Dream sweet dreams for me
Dream sweet dreams for you

Close your eyes and I'll close mine
Good night, sleep tight
Now the moon begins to shine
Good night, sleep tight
Dream sweet dreams for me
Dream sweet dreams for you

As I sang, she opened up her mouth and started singing too - "night.... night...night... night..." while still gazing into my eyes. (Actually, it's more like "niii.... niii..." because she doesn't yet have the hang of consonants at the end of words.) She wasn't really on key or keeping to the rhythm of the song, but she was definitely singing along with me, and she did this through the whole song. It took a lot of effort to keep my voice from going all wobbly, but tears of love and joy were pouring out of my eyes. When the song ended, she just closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep as I moved on to "La Vie En Rose."

I held her extra-long after I fininshed "Somewhere Over the Rainbow," just breathing in the scent of lavendar and warm baby, savoring the aching sweetness of the moment. I will always remember that when she was 18 1/2 months old, she sang along with Mama for the first time.