The dumbest emergency broadcast ever.

*boop boop boop* *boop boop boop* *boop boop boop*
~~wildly flashing lights~~
May I have your attention please. May I have your attention please. There has been an emergency reported in the building. While this emergency is being investigated, the building manager would like you to remain where you are and await further instructions.
*boop boop boop* *boop boop boop* *boop boop boop*
~~wildly flashing lights~~

Thanks, I feel very safe and productive staying put in my workplace while an emergency is investigated elsewhere in the building. Have I mentioned I work in a federal building?