I hated myself, just for a moment, for this.

Last night, as I was getting the little girl ready for bed, I brushed her teeth. Then I perched her on my left hip and stepped out of the bathroom. I reached behind me to shut the bathroom door (too much mischief in there for her to make) and as I started to close it I felt some obstacle blocking its progress. Something soft. I instantly knew what it had to be. I started freaking out the instant before she started wailing. Her right big toe, behind my back, had gotten INTO THE CRACK WHERE THE DOOR HINGES ON THE DOOR FRAME. Fortunately I felt it immediately so no real damage was done, but it peeled off that outer layer of skin cells on the underside of her toe, and it had to hurt because she was just WAILING. I sat down on the couch trying to comfort her and apologize all at the same time. Hubby asked what happened and I told him and he said something really harsh - I don't remember what - something like "I can't believe you did that, you could have cut her toe off!" and suddenly I was sobbing these great heaving sobs because I almost cut my baby girl's perfect big toe off. Hubby takes the little girl from me to comfort her and immediately apologizes to me and reassures me she's not really hurt. He got her calmed down easier than I could because I was busy trying not to be hysterical.

She's fine. By the time I got around to taking her to bed, she was pointing to her LEFT big toe and saying "Boo-boo!" But I'm having trouble forgiving myself for having hurt my little girl - for not having been vigilant enough - for letting my guard down. How can I keep her safe from the big wide world when I can't ensure I won't hurt her myself?!