Two!

My Esther turned two years old on Wednesday Sept. 27, and Sunday 10/1 was her birthday party. (Blogger, since then, has not been cooperating with uploading photos, grrr...) How did that happen? Almost overnight she's talking up a storm, just saying all kinds of things like "Sure!" and "tea party" and "have pickle please" (more like "haff pickoo pease") and "my friend Chucky" and "Mama Esther home!"



She had a great birthday. Her Granna flew in from New Mexico and showered her with gifts and love. Among the gifts were a pair of cowgirl boots and a cowgirl hat. The boots stayed on all day; the hat, not so much.



Granna then spent the next couple of days buying Esther presents: a stuffed elephant that can be colored on and then erased; "magic wands" with globes that have spinning lights in them; a remote control dump truck; Dora and farm animal bath toys. Esther had more than enough toys for a birthday before her party even rolled around.

The party went off really well. The hubby cooked up a storm - meatballs, sausage, peppers - and I had a cake made with Dora, Diego and Boots on it. Lots of people came, complete with about half-a-dozen kids, and it was so nice having everyone there that it didn't even matter that it was raining out so we couldn't use the backyard. The kids were all entranced with the *train table!!!*, Mama and Daddy's present to the birthday girl, although she wasn't sure how she felt about sharing it.



Everyone seemed to understand Esther's tastes, because she was fascinated with all her presents. She really loved the box of old-fashioned wooden alphabet blocks from her Gramps, and especially the tea party set from my buddy G. and her daughter L. In fact, her first word when she woke up this morning was "teapot," so we had a tea party on her floor at 6 in the morning.

What can I say about Esther, about how much she has brightened my life and my world these last two years? Sweetheart, you are my shot of sunshine, my all-natural antidepressant. My favorite sensation is that of you wrapping your arms around me and giving me kisses while I breathe in your scent. You grow smarter and funnier every day. I look at you and cannot imagine how two squarely average-looking folks like me and your dad made someone as beautiful as you are.

[I would insert another photo here, but for seven full days now Blogger has refused to allow me to add even one more photo to this post. You'll just have to trust me on this one - it's a beautiful photo of Esther. Grrr!]

Esther, my life before you came was often dark and lonely. I've been prone to long periods of depression and self-hatred since I hit adolescence. But you are like a regular dose of all-natural Prozac - when I see you, when you smile, when you wrap your arms around me and press your round soft cheek against mine, I am happy and whole and at peace with myself, if not with the world. And for the first time in my life, I have a wonderful, intimate, fulfilling relationship with someone who loves me as much as I love her, who wants to be with me as much as I want to be with her. I know this cannot last, that you will get older and then you will naturally move away from me, and that this intimacy will be just a treasured memory. But believe me, I am so grateful to have this with you now. It is so very healing for me - I never had a mother, so I was never on the other end of the mother-child bond. To be your mother, to give you the love and attention and support and affirmation that I never got when I was little, is the best medicine I could take to finally heal that pain.

Thank you for choosing me to be your mama. I am profoundly grateful for the two beautiful years you have spent in my care, and can only hope that the next sixteen will not fly by quite so fast before you fly out of my nest. Yes, in the meantime you will grow and change and become independent of me. But with any luck, you will still welcome my love in small doses, and I will at least be able to get one sweet hug and kiss from you when I need them. Just like the words in the hokey old song I sing to you all the time - you are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are gray. I am a better person for having you in my life.

I love you, now and always.
Mama